i always seem to notice, in just one careful look; depth in any relationship, meaning in each smitten line, intentions in each look in the eye, honesty and goodness in each promises..or at least, i think i did.
i just wanted to share how i think, how i felt because i was deeply hurt by one of my trusted friends.
let us not mention her name anymore. about my age, she is clever, sweet and she loves my 3-year-old son . she was hired early march to be my son's yaya. this is not the first time i'm having two househelps to help us out in our everyday goings on. she seemed to be fine and i managed to be a friend to her in any way i can. because i wanted to know who they are, what they are and how close can we really get. i wanted to be a friend, an ate (bigger sister) to her and a younger sister to the other househelp. i just wanted a friend from her. i always thought of us as equal to each other, whatever walk in life you may be at. friendship is like a common ground to us all where anything can be done, any level can be achieved. i ate with them during our regular meals, i was sleeping over in their beds during their siestas, id been listening to their naughtiest secrets, been sharing our beliefs in religion and in politics, have been reading bible verses, holding breath for our new wonderful experiences like going to a big and luxurious hotels, dinning to the best restaurants in town, weeping for their heartbreaks..dreaming their dreams, being part of their lives..well, thats what i thought it was.
after two months of stay with us i learned that she has a well-knitted family which i was so happy about. until one night, after coming home so late from her weekly off, she told me and my husband, her father died. i was shocked and the first thing popped out of ny thought was to give help, assistance. Not until after so many tries contacting her relatives and the hospital where the said father was brought, i learned that she is not telling the truth. okay, then i said to myself, let us move on.
i probed and i got the truth the day after, making her promise she will never gonna do it again. she wrote notes and promises to us that that is the first and the last time that this will transpire. until the next morning, she is inserting the item, (that item that later on reflected our state of being: strangers), in her newly washed pants right in front of my face while we are making chika. imagine???not long after i realized what's going on.. i played the game she wanted to play. i stood still as if i am not seeing anything. until she eventually, put it it inside her bag. i said to myself: this is the end of the story.
i cried, i hugged myself, i felt truly sorry for myself ..betrayed. i felt betrayed. despite all my understanding and concern about her being, the happy times, the hugs> loving her as part of my family and all that. everything was brushed aside. dark clouds seen overhead. until someone call out my attention and said, call for help. so the story went on and we met at the city police station few miles away..she said sorry and told us EVERYTHING that she has done wrong to us in exchange of her freedom. for a moment, i was deeply affected, i was shocked, i saw myself far from being her friend..and then i snapped out of it and moved on. it just came to me.. i have forgiven her.
i am no God to judge her..i always believed about justice.. so i let her go. with a promise to return the item stolen from us, though, you know, i'm not really looking forward to that.
once more, i said to myself: life is fair.
life is fair if you have God in your heart. If you believe that there is due justice, in heaven!
so to you ian, i am forgiving you with all my heart. may you always bring with you what lessons we all learned from this episode in our lives. take care!
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